Anxiety much?

So I have a pretty good reason to be anxious, nervous, scared about this pregnancy.  Today, I am 9 weeks, 6 days pregnant.  With my last pregnancy, I started bleeding at 10 weeks and my baby measured 8 weeks 6 days.  That's tomorrow. In my opinion, I've done pretty well not worrying about it.  I still feel pretty darn pregnant, I know my uterus has grown in the last 2 weeks.  I saw my healthy, BIG baby on Thursday and it was measuring 9 weeks with a FANTASTIC heartrate!  I should not be worried.  But today I am. 


For the last two nights, I have had dreams that I was having a miscarriage, or something like that.  The first one, I went to the hospital, to day surgery, and into pre-op just like I did for my d&e.  I didn't know what I was there for, I just knew it was NOT a d&e.  I think it was something like "they're just looking around, making sure everything's okay."  Weird I know!  And they sedated me and I woke up and everything was fine.  Weirded me out. 

Then last night, I don't really remember all the details, but it was like I was at camp with all my coworkers.  There's one girl I work with that has just had to make one of the hardest decisions of her life.  I am so sad for her and pray for her and her husband to have peace.  Well, in this dream, her and I were talking, and she said something to me like "It's okay, we will both work through our losses together." And next thing I know, I'm bleeding.  Again, weirded me out.


So I don't know how long these dreams will last.  This week?  Until I see my Spud again?  I know that everything is alright, but it's still hard.  We have dopplers at work, but they're old and I'm never really sure about if I'm hearing the right thing, so I didn't want to freak myself out with that.  I just bought a doppler on amazon.  Hopefully it will be here Thursday.  I know Carl will laugh at me, but it was only $30, got good reviews (a few said they heard the hb at 10 weeks, even though the manufacturer recommends 12 weeks!), and it will hopefully make me feel a little better!!

On a good note, I get to see my best friend this weekend!  I'm flying up to Minnesota on Friday to spend a whole 4 days with Angela and her family!!  I can't wait!